Deprivation and Sleepy Head

I am in my place, in my bedroom. Today is my second day of declared holiday. My team, led by my boss-friend declared a close shop. We are to have a vacation, or at least a break from work, from our client.

I have always told my friends that for me, the best vacation (and the cheapest one too) is just being by myself, at home, sleeping. Well, if I’m not asleep, just lodging around… doing whatever I like. Yeah. That one, doing whatever I like.

2 consecutive days I got up later than usual. But I still have to drag myself up. I just want to sleep all day…

Sleep all day…

Up until now, I’m wondering why I’m still sleepy despite the fact that I woke up late and got at least the 6 hours sleep?

What’s with me?

Am I depriving myself of simple self-gratification? But I have to finish up something. Well, honestly, that something has been a pain in the ass. ARGH!

I’d better give in to this sleepiness of mine. I got up at 8:30AM took a bath, ate breakfast and now it’s 10AM… I’m still sleepy.

Wish there’s a prince charming to wake me up and not some witch texting me!

ARGH! Life is not all f*cking fairytales.

Variable

Today I sit here in my work seat, with a work assignment in mind… but with uncertainty.

Should I be continuing to work on this structural project when in fact they seemed not to respect who we are and what we do for them?

A lazy Saturday was I had in mind a few days ago. But just few hours after I woke up, I receive a message. We are being “challenged” again.

My friend-boss had it. Enough is enough. He had retaliate every time they do that to us. But the latest one is different.

What is in store for me and the rest of the team? I am not sure. Today is definitely a different Monday.

Definition of Manhood

I was writing another blog awhile ago. It was right after I talked to Jose and read his latest entry. I admit that there are times I really kick myself hard to write as proficiently and grammatically correct like him. But I’ve wasted much time on the other blog just doing so. I scrapped and trashed that blog entry.

I’ll just go straight to the point instead.

I left ONE important thing about me in one of my entries here. It’s about the weirdness that makes of me. Let me say it now and make it clear to everyone…

I have a VIRTUAL BOYFRIEND…

It of importance because he is my friend, one of my best friends and will always be part of what I’ve become and will be.

My VBF is named Jose. Almost everyone from both side know how we are “related”. And this will be the time (again) that I am putting it in writing and let it be clear to everyone that he, Jose, is my Virtual Boyfriend (VBF).

Yeah, yeah… you’ll be reacting. The adjective VIRTUAL doesn’t pertain to the cyber technology whatsoever. Nor to any non-existent, non-tangible being. To somewhat simplify the definition, it’s almost the same or even BETTER than any romantic relationship minus the sexual and physical benefits of having a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Simply put that he is gay and I am straight woman. And if your are smart enough dear reader, to add it all up, to associate the terms and the definition… you’ll get what I mean.

I can’t find my old entry defining our terms as “virtually” in relation. But the importance of this blog is to let EVERYONE know, that what defines a MAN for me doesn’t necessarily being NOT gay. It’s how you make your life, how you live it, take it and share that life to others.

And for me, Jose is that man right now in my life that would defend and fight for me (not counting my father and brothers, of course). He is more of a man than any other straight men I admired, drooled over and stupidly almost given myself to and had that so-called romantic relationship with. (Yes, Jose, including that man that shall not be named that you hated so much.)

I am of privilege that he chose me, of all his female friends to be his girl-friend. His partner knows about it. We were introduced and we both have no problems about it. And I can pretty much say, he and Jose is sooooo much in love and for each other Ü

So why the title? Let me make it clear (again) that being straight doesn’t make one greater than those who are not. I know of men who are straight (and those pretentiously straight) that hide behind their masculinity. They scream to the worlds that they are man and builds muscles or they are knights of bravery but when are called upon or hear cries for help they suddenly became deaf?!? They are all yanks and blah-blahs. Well, would they have a finer and better life than those who are gay? Some don’t even have balls to face the problems they stupidly created.

And Jose, if you are reading this… you don’t have to change to anything. Just live a life you wanted. F*ck those who comment and say things about you being girlish and all that. I am sorry for I am guilty of that too. I admit it but it should not be taken in the bad way. You always know when I mean well. You know me more than I know myself! You define who you are now, based from what you’ve been and experienced before. You are loved, liked and hated for what you are before, now and DAPAT in what you will become sooner. May you be a gay or straight person, you don’t have to be affected by anyone or anything as long as you don’t hurt or kill anyone because of it.

You, of all people… of all my best friends should know that, Jose. You keep on saying that to me. May you be flamboyant or the stiff man that ROTC turned you before… you will be loved by me and will be my one and only (virtual) boyfriend… and best friend.

Just be what you are now. Why bother going back to what you were before? Are you sure you’ll be happier if you do that? F*ck those who says so.

And I am maddened thinking about it… and the comments we will be receiving after they read or learn about this… or I was just expecting one from someone we both know of?

I’m such a bitch… HA!

And So We’ve Landed…

… some actually… with caution of course.

We tried to follow the rules but sometimes being good isn’t enough.

Some got lucky. Some were noticed and halted. But as far as we know, we are successful enough. May be the luck we needed for this “mission” is not totally casted on our side. Succeeding trips were cancelled for the meantime. Perhaps it’s time to stop and rethink. But it doesn’t mean we are walking away.

The battle continues. We never stopped. We never rest.