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List No.1: To Tell or Not the Tell

15 Jan

I have been in much thought on what to do when you like a person. I was in this situation for sometime now. It’s quite complicated actually. I had to weigh things and a few good friends did help me out get through it. So how did it go? I made a list of what is it for me if I let him know or not.

If I tell, I get to:

1.) Free myself – of the suffering I am in. Suffering in the sense that even in my dreams he is there. Fantasies it may be but still, sleep should have been rest for me. But I still carry the thought and unconsciously I am quite bothered by it. I may wake up with that odd smile but waking up comes to reality. He isn’t beside me.

2.) Do something I never thought I’d be doing – well, there is always a first time as it says. On the same situation before, I just stayed in the corner and watch the guy walk away with worst, in some girl’s arms.

3.) Know how he feels too – well, being a gentleman, one should at least acknowledge it and be honest enough to answer back… even if it’s the worst answer you’ll get or a bonus of having the same feeling as well.

4.) Lose the friendship – it’s one of the worst that could happened specially if the guy is somehow shallow. But then again, I get to regain my post and let life be. I was ok before he came, why not now that he’s gone?

I had ALMOST go for telling the guy. But come to think of it:

If I don’t tell him, I get to:

1.) Keep our friendship – it all started from there I guess. And keeping it is a reward somehow. If there is really one after all.

2.) Protect my reputation – The most important of all reasons! I am not the type who shouts to the world how I feel. I get to share it with close friends. I may be transparent in my emotions and feelings at times but I am not the type who professes her intentions. And what I cherish more and would want to keep it all tight at the end of the day is character, my name.

The decision was made. Last night was the last straw…

Come to think of it, I have created a fairy tale on my own benefits but in the end it’s all just a story. So if I made it, I can end it to the way it should be… for my benefit.

It’s not all fairy tales…” quoting my VBF, who am sure is jumping of joy and clapping at the same time learning about this “acceptance” I just made.

So why tell when he isn’t worth it after all?

 
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Posted by on January 15, 2007 in Realizations

 

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