Monthly Archives: February 2007

Time and Plans

Where have I been? How time flies too quickly and am I being left behind? It’s almost the end of February… in a few weeks time it would be summer and a few more months I’d be 30!


What do I have in mind before I reach 30?
1.) Have a Jollibee birthday party… well, hoping that my niece, Noelle will be here but I don’t think she would be 😦

2.) Have a tattoo… at the moment I’m thinking of a pair of wings by my back but still have no idea what design it would be. Or perhaps a scorpion creeping out at the back of my hips

3.) I should have a boyfriend which will be my husband by 32… but this is soooo impossible… I do like this guy BUT he sees me I think as just one of the boys

4.) Get drunk on my birthday and pass out… which never happened because I am a responsible drinker!

5.) Have my very own place… I got that one. But it’s not mine like own it. I am renting it but at least I can consider it my own since I am living by myself and paying the bills (well, most of it, I am paying. I still own my mom a LOT for lending me some… LOVE YOU, NANAY! Mwuah!)

6.) Have another children’s book illustrated… and this time I am going to do well. But at this moment, I am not happy with the outcome of my 1st study ☹ I pray that the publisher won’t take the chance from me (Lord, please don’t let that happen. I will try to be good)

7.) Bring my weight from almost 200lbs to the ideal 135lbs… well, I am enrolled to a gym with my virtual boyfriend (VBF) Jose but I have been skipping my classes due to work… 😦

And with that I plan. Plan and hope I get to commit myself to those plans. Learn to budget my finances and TIME. And on the note… (yawn) I end the day with a few hours of sleep before I head to my day job… which is quite dreaded for the next 8 days because my boss-friend is not with us. The responsibility of maintaining the office in partly on my shoulders…

Gulp! Gulp!

Good luck to me then… force field… activate! 😉

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Posted by on February 27, 2007 in Aspirations, Realizations, Simplified


Life Has Theater Curtains…

I always dreamt before of acting on stage. But I can’t stand crowds and have problems memorizing lines. So in my high school days, I ended up doing props and backdrop for the theater group but landed on a few extra “male” roles (despite my high-pitched voice).

Curtains down…

I missed a lot of things to write about (again). There’s even one instance that I kept on writing my angst that night directly to wordpress to find out the office lost the net connect. I only learned it when I hit the Publish-button. So, bye-bye thoughts.

Lost my mood.

And yes, I was still in the office at that time, 2AM.

Pressure… stress… stress…

There had been a lot of “challenges” we face in the office lately. I always came to the edge of screaming, but controlled my poise since I am supposedly one of the seniors in the office (by age and experience!). At times I admit that I might be over reacting with the stress and work up until my boss-friend came to the edge too.

If I am considered to be patient, he is beyond me in applying patience and sweet-talking. All hands up to him. And then he snapped! Yup! He may not have yelled on the BAs of our clients or planned to kill them in some way like I did (bwahahaha!). But I am sure, as being his friend for more than a decade not, he got mad.

It’s all in the tone of one’s voice.

So, I am still normal. I get to be at rage. I curse. I conspire to kill people or at least plan to make their lives miserable at some point. Evilness somehow lurks in me but at least at the end of the day or when that emotional wrath dies down… I’m still that nice little fat lady patiently working and trying to please each and f*cking everyone (oops! Minus the curse of course).

And besides, I do believe in karma. Quoting a client somehow friend, “Ang karma ngayon, FedEx na. Bukas lang nasa pinto mo na!” (Trans. “Karma these days are delivered by FedEx. By tomorrow it’s by your doorsteps already!”)

Funny guy! But perhaps, he’s right.

That’s life. Well, that’s my life for now. And on with the show…

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Posted by on February 25, 2007 in Uncategorized


Its Eve and the Dreaded “Day”

Yup. Today is Valentine’s Day. The VDAY.

Yeah. The day that is…  and always have been dreaded to me ever since I started working. As always, I plan to go home early today to avoid the “rush”. It has always been a HELL day to me! I wonder why everyone seemed to be out or something on this day? Thank God that on my way to way, I haven’t seen anyone wearing a heart print/pattern or in RED.

Yesterday, our usual Tuesday meeting ended earlier than expected. I have been on guard since it’s the eve. I just knew something will be up and will strike any moment. Well, for one…

Starting next week, we were given the “opportunity” to power-dress, as one term it that way. The intention is good, for us to be comfortable in business attire. No problem with that. I might just need to lose my love handles, to fit in my suit that was tailored some decades ago and is now housed in my cabinet with molds and cob webs! :p It’s just that with suits you have to have shoes, hairdo and make up.

Make up. Sigh.

Ok. Moving on…

I decided to let the sun down first before I headed for the gym. still thinking of what worse can happen today, I jumped on the treadmill, made a few sweats and hopped on the stationary bike and e-lift-tical(?) afterwards. A few calories and sweats off my body, i decided to head home by cab. When I came out of the gym, I saw people with flowers, packages in red paperbags, chocolates… whatever! You name it, it’s there. Anything in relation to love and Valentine’s, it’s right under my nose last night. From yuppies, corporate people, even saw a bunch of high school kids holding tulips?! Tulips?! I bet it’s not for their mothers!

I just wanted to hail a cab as quick as possible and get out of there. But, I am not the only one wanted to get out of the place. It’s just the eve and the suffering is starting. I phoned my reliable taxi service and waited. It took me almost 30 minutes before my butt rested inside a cab.  And during that waiting time, I had a good view of couples across me, by that certain park. Some seemed to be waiting too while some took pictures of themselves with their camera phones. Lucky them, nobody nabbed them or snatched their phones away.

My only consolation last night, the cool breeze. But every person that seemed to pass me by are talking about their plans for today, who they are with, etc. etc…

Why has my iPod gave up on me (drained the battery while working out) at this moment?! WHY?!?

Has God forsaken me last night that I had to suffer like that? (Of course, I AM over reacting.) And that is just the beginning.

The very least person (beside me) that I thought would be worrying about Valentine’s Day just mentioned over SMS last night that he is somehow anxious about today.


I am more bitter than ever about today. I’ll perhaps drown myself today with my choice of music and work, work and… work!

Can’t wait till the day is over.

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Posted by on February 14, 2007 in Emotional and Physical Turmoil


Selfish or Be Foolish?

That conversation with Tats (my professor-friend now neighbor) made me think that perhaps it’s a reason why I can’t seem to let go of this person. Self-preservation as it should have been, but I think it has been my nature to be not that selfish despite the fact that I am trying to be one.

Some people do really have that gift of talking at people. Whether to ease them or to talk you over about something. I have let some people talk it over with me, hence letting them in me. It’s a good and bad thing of course.

When you aren’t an effective communicator, meaning, you were not able to convince the person you are talking to favor your side then someone rubs it on your face… it’s a double whammy!


That was some invisible slap on my face.

And all along, I thought… well, I believe I won’t be able to “recover” if I won’t shield myself from him or just the thought of him. You really are not sure who’s on your side and who isn’t. At the end of the day, you are left alone to pick up the broken pieces and to take care of yourself.

Gees, where have I been?! Earth to Nemcy?… Gahd! Have I lost my wit?!

Jose, my dear VBF, I know that you know you are always right about “it”. Is it just that I am not assured of the effect if I spill it out to him. My peace of mind is definitely worth it but is it assured that I’d get it? But thank you for sticking to your foolish VGF.

Last night, after the send off party for a client, I’ve let myself be bothered by a fairy tale happy ending (again). Yes, I was hoping I’d get to save someone from the witch!


And you thought I am the one to be saved? Nah! I never planned nor dreamt of being a princess or a damsel in distress who needs to rescued. Well, it could have been nice if that would happen, BUT ever since I could remember, I never ever played that role. I never wanted to be the weak and the needy. I have always believed that it’s better to do something by myself as much as possible so I won’t owe anyone favors hence not bothering anyone. And arrogant as it may sound, an assurance that I get things done properly if I am the one doing it. In which, in some cases I guess is not applicable.

I have always been the ‘messiah’, as one friend of mine refers me. It has both a good and a bad connotation. Good that you tend to be helpful, but bad if they tend to be dependent on you too much… and in this case, he need not to be rescued.

“Lalake ako…” (trans.: I’m a man), is all I could remember him saying when I asked if he’ll be all right. Well, who was the one vomiting in the bathroom and is numbed by alcohol? So much for being a “concern” friend.

He wasn’t asking to be saved.

Ergo, I got disappointed and somehow it was an invisible slap (again) on my face.

I don’t have a car…
I am not financially stable…
I don’t bring home a hefty 5-digit salary…
I don’t have a singing voice…
I am not fashionable…
I am not voluptuous but have a body that seemed to have catered 3 kids…

In 5 minutes, I was in my place, stripped my clothes off and took that ice-cold shower I deserve. A wake up call… to the reality I should have been swallowing the whole time.

Lesson learned: The selfish and not the selfless who always gets the last piece of bacon.


Lessons in Life 101: Communication

While in his car, my college professor now a friend and somewhat a second father to me, mentioned that it is communication that is a very essential key in having a lively relationship… well, more so in a romantic relationship.

He is separated from his wife. Ironic you may see it but I’ve never seen him that jolly since I’ve known him during my college years. He is now living with his girlfriend and glad to know, his 2 daughters are brave and open-minded enough to accept and understand their parents situation.

In my one week stay in my new place, in the same building they are living in, I have watched them giggle and tease one another. I’ve told them how envious I am that they are so sweet and seemed to be the youngsters that are so much in love with each other. And that I, who is much younger than they are, felt OLD. He gladly shared that, he and his girlfriend never ran out of things to talk about. They share their thoughts fearlessly even if the other might not. At times, one acts as the antagonist which makes the conversation a little “exciting”.

He has a point. Well, two points literally.

One is mentioned above and the other… is keeping a relationship, or at least saving it when the effort is useless.

Why would you stay in a relationship is it has no more love or at least respect left? What is it for you and your partner if you have nothing more to talk about… what is it for you to gain, primarily?

Why waste each other’s time when you are not happy and satisfied anymore?

Self-preservation isn’t it?

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Posted by on February 12, 2007 in Realizations


In Denial

Why is it hard to let go of something (or someone) you got used to? The more you say you’re moving on the harder it becomes.

Is it just that or have I really fallen into deep sh*t? Oh nooooohhhhh!!!

Yes, I am perhaps in denial… that I am ok and I am moving on.

Jose, my dear VBF… you are right once more. I am NOT.



Moving In…

I am moving out of the office where I work and lived for the past year. It’s about time that I had the courage to be alone, by myself and be responsible.

I found a place quite far from the office. It will take me 2 rides to get to work. But bottomline, at the end of the day I have a place of my own to stash myself. Me, my place and I.

Tomorrow I am moving in. I visited it awhile ago and it’s almost done. They assured me that tomorrow after lunch it will be all set. I am excited and scared at the same time. Scared because it’s a start for me… a fresh start hopefully.

Good luck to me then.