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Detoxify

13 Mar

Lately I have been feeling this weird thing in me. I wish I could easily say it’s just a matter of over eating or something. But I really don’t know…

Could it just be this hormonal thing that women experiences due to “having” monthly? Or could my body is really complaining on stress and pressure these days? Is it my lifestyle now that pushes my physical strength? But I am fearing most of all, is I knew that something is really wrong inside me. I am admitting it that I’m not scared of hospitals or doctors, it’s just what they are to tell me that scares me…

Knowing the truth, that scares me.

What if they tell me, I only have a month to live? Call me over reacting or perhaps I’ve been watching too much movies and soap operas but what if…

What if…

I have nothing accomplish yet to make me say I am ready to whatever is install for me. I am a late bloomer. I have to admit that it was only now that I am really getting conscious of what is tomorrow for me or what lies ahead or what should I be preparing.

As far as I know, I have fun and enjoyed my youth in the simpliest enjoyment that I could have attained. I mean, I am not a hardcore party goer nor a fashionist that gets drunk and wakes up somewhere beside her place. I mean, I smoke (not known to my family), drink like a man as my friend describes me, and tried pot 9but really didn’t enjoy it). Some still call me a kill-joy. Well, to each his own. But I think that’s enough. I have to grow up… have a REAL life.

Life’s purpose? For my own, I don’t know really. Before my plans were simplier: graduate, work, have a family… or at least a kid that I’ll be able to love and give him/her a decent life. But… I haven’t read that book about finding purpose or something like that? Could I be too late?

Sigh.

Is this what I will be every time I medicate myself (paracetamol), wake up earlier than expected, eat breakfast at Jollibee and drink coffee?

Hahaha.

Now… on with the show…

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2 responses to “Detoxify

  1. infidel13

    March 22, 2007 at 11:17 am

    Hey!!Dunno anything about u-but strangely enough like your style of writing-its reminding me of a person on the quiet side, a bit shy, reticent in fact. Nice quiet style.

    I don’t want to be a smart ass, but why do I feel that you seriously need a change-go for a short vacation( maybe you and a friend? or you alone?)…do something different from what you are doing now.

    Thirdly, what I feel is you are afraid of life in general-you are afraid of walking ahead without knowing what’s around the corner…in short, your fear of life (and what the doc might say) is simply speaking a fear of the unknown-think about it…you may find sense in it.

    Anyway, adieu.

     
  2. Nemcy

    March 26, 2007 at 6:33 pm

    Hi, Infidel13!

    Thanks for sparing sometime to read my blog and for complimenting on my writing :) I appreciate your suggestion for me to take some time off. Guess what? By the time I read your comment, I am miles away from work and taking a week off. My longest vacation (almost) alone after 3 years! Check out my latest entries and see who I’m with and where I have been.

    As for doing some change in my life, I did apply a few changes and plan to do more. I ahve moved to my own place and keeping weekends “sacred” by doing extra jobs I prefer doing (with mo relation to my day-job) or just hanging out, resting.

    And for the fear part, I assure you that I am facing fearss that I know is there haunting me and those fear that is yet to come. But I can’t promise to conquer it soon, but at least acknowledging that there is fear is a step ahead than denying it, right? ;)

    Thanks again for reading my blog. Hope you’ll comment again and perhaps share yours if you have one too…

    Take care!

     

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