15 Jul

Transcribed from the original handwritten entry while waiting for almost an hour at Ayala MRT Station.

I don’t feel good today. Well, what’s new? The week did not seem to start right. So now I can say it is definitely a not-so-great-week for me. Some blame it on the weather. Some blame it on the stars. Even some blame it on my diet.


I really fell bad that I wanted to scream on someone till their eardrums explode. Though imagining it relieves me. Odd isn’t it? Yet almost suiting for me. Temporarily.

I really feel down again. I seemed couldn’t control my own life. As if it’s a machine owned by me yet being used by someone else. I always have to be the one to adapt for others, feel for others and if they’re not having a good life it is I who’s to be blamed.

Ask me now what happiness is? Simple –– being alone, by myself in my rented place and all the time to spare for myself and with whatever I decided to do –– that is HAPPINESS.

As far as I know, I’ve been a good person. A good and abiding daughter to my parents. I never brought trouble in our family. A good and reliable sister to my brothers. A good and loyal employee. A good and trusted friend to almost everyone and anyone. I could have done some backbiting once in awhile, out of anger and frustration. But it’s not my nature. As far as I know, I’ve never hurt or made anyone cry. It is I, who always get hurt.

Actually, it’s one in my list that wanted to achieve (hopefully) before I die –– to make some cry.

Weird as it may seems but it is in my list, to make someone cry. I always cry. I cry in my room, in the dark even at times in our work bathrooms just to hide. I wonder how it feels when you made someone cry… like making one’s life miserable? Could it be that fulfilling? Right now, I really consider it as an achievement… if it ever happens.


Posted by on July 15, 2007 in Emotional and Physical Turmoil, Rants


4 responses to “Misery

  1. Achi

    July 19, 2007 at 2:54 am

    OK, once you are hell-bent resolved on making someone cry, give me a ring and lets plot the game plan. In the meantime, chin up lady-friend!

  2. Nemcy

    July 19, 2007 at 5:34 am

    Thanks, Achi. Of course, we all have down times. I get up before with the help of ice cream and pizzas but since I am on a “reserved” diet… CONTROL is a must. So far, I haven’t snapped heavily on anyone YET… but all the same, life goes on. Thanks again! Ü

  3. Faye Ilogon

    July 20, 2007 at 7:51 am

    Nemcy, I will cry if you cry so technically that means you made me cry.

    We love yah. Just hang tough and you’ll take on the world!


  4. Nemcy

    July 20, 2007 at 8:48 am

    Thanks, Faye! Thanks so much… Ü


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