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Monthly Archives: April 2008

And the Beat Goes On…

Why resist when you know you won’t win over it?

It may sound as another excuse. I’m really sorry to my friends who are really, really concern. It’s really hard to resist such a strong urge.

It makes me happy. Really. Even for just a few hours, for a few minutes, even for a few seconds. I hoped and expected… those were the things that made it difficult for me back then. But now, realizing that denying and avoiding it won’t do any good, why resist? Perhaps I just have to take walk… with him.

Continuity.

… but with caution this time.

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Posted by on April 26, 2008 in Uncategorized

 

Simple Life

Having just attend Dong’s wedding, after reviewing a few photos and shedding some tears of being a cry baby it really hit me hard…

… well, for one, life is really simple back then.

Yup. Simple compared to now. I saw myself back then as if I’m in a time machine. And it all started from crying. I tried to recall reasons why I cried back in high school when I’m still with Dong, Renee and Karina. Come to think of it, what made 4 quite unusual girl then together for the whole 4 years of high school life?

I always think of our group as the perfect 2…
… 2 girls who came from grade 7
… 2 girls who were accelerated from grade 6
… 2 girls who are good in Math
… 2 girls who are known to excel in arts and craft
… 2 girls got involved in the dramatics club
… 2 tall girls
… 2 petite girls
… 2 slim girls
… 2 quite healthy ones

And back then, I’m more close to Dong while Renee and Karina are quite a tandem.

What made Nemcy cry back in high school? All I remember crying was during retreats/recollections… but don’t exactly know why? Hmmm…

And now, what made me cry?

Lately, being in a wedding ceremony is one, that’s why I don’t want to attend one except when it’s work, like either the photographer or just an assistant. But why on weddings? I guess I still have to sort myself why.

I guess my life then and my life now didn’t quite change. I may be not be wearing a uniform now, but at time I need to power dress up during client meetings and presentations. The classroom then is the world now we all face. Homeworks then are the projects/responsibilities we handle now.

Frustrations, loneliness, happiness and victories are all the same, then and now, just in a different form.

So life then isn’t so different as nowadays. It’s a matter on how you look at it, how you take it and deal with it.

 
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Posted by on April 24, 2008 in Realizations

 

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Donna’s Wedding

I just came in from my dear friend back in high school. Let’s call the event a sort of reunion for own small group. Prior to Donna’s wedding was Renee’s which I missed due to work duties. (Really sorry, Renee. My loss. Heard it was a blast.)

Oh, by the way, all of them are all getting married and talked about details and planning. Again, I am left out. But it’s my fault…

Just thankful I tried to be useful (somehow) in the wedding. Borrowed Myles’ Canon 20D and fire the trigger away. But despite my face behind the viewfinder, I really couldn’t stop some tears to drop. I worry about the makeup Gou did on me but still… gahd! I’m such a cry baby.

ARGH.

Can’t help but became quite emotional about it. Donna is my closest among the four of us, no doubt about that. We lost touch sometime around the sophomore days of our college years and we took the same degree in different universities. We sort of regroup at least once a year but being the renegade member for being late or worst the always the no-show I am the odd man out nowadays. It’s my fault. A price to pay when I’m not constantly in touch.

These are just some of the initial photos I got. Mostly my faves. Will still be selecting decent ones since I didn’t use any flash on the photos I’ve taken, some are blurred due to movement of subject or due to my hands shaking and trying to hold my composure of not sobbing loudly.


The Bride awaits…


Me to self: “‘Danda ng friend ko…” (teary-eyed…)


Dong (the Bride) with her sister, Aya, the Maid of Honor


Either she’s checking out her bouquet, or she’s texting?


There she is…


And she walks towards the altar… *sniff*


Awww… the best kiss photo I got…

To check out some more photos, you can click here.

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A short (but sweet) message for the newly weds…

To Alex… aka Rudy Fernandez (‘cause he really looks like him) aka Da Boy, I’m glad to know that Dong is loved by a good man. We still have to get to know each but for now, I’m happy that you two are together. Like what I told you, take good care of my friend, ok? Love her very much… kasi alam ko… basta, ‘yun na! 😉

To Dong aka Bulilit to my Nanay, you know I’m happy that you got married. You know that from my reaction when you called me up to inform me that you are getting married. 5 years you and Alex are together… where the hell was I? I wish that despite you and the other ladies are already married and is getting married (hi, Karina) I hope you guys won’t stop looking for me and trying to drag my butt off my work seat to meet up. I don’t know if you noticed that I kept on hugging you in every chance that I can had from the eve of your wedding day till the time we said goodbye at the reception… I’m really going to miss the makulit, funny, OC and mataray na Donna…

Now you know why I really declined to be part of the entourage… not just I’m not really comfortable wearing a tube type dress, but it’s more of me being a cry baby. And writing this now, I’m still crying! So imagine my mascara will be ruined then… hahaha.

I miss you guys… specially you, Dong.

 
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Posted by on April 20, 2008 in Picture-Picture!!!, Realizations

 

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Treaded A Thin Line

What happened last night could have been a follow through of what happened, the other night (as the stated in my previous entry). What happened last night made me think to that extent that it gave some verification to myself… my worthiness.

I may have entered into a situation that should have been avoided from the start. Never mix water w/ oil, if I may say so. Shake it vigorously, the substance may look mixed up but at the end it will still separate. Avoid hassle of cleaning it up.

Wounds may heal for some time and most of it leave scars… to remind us of where it came from and why we had that wound. I guess now, verifying where I stand and trying to understand certain situations and people lead me to understand myself and honestly, knocked the helmet off of my head.

I came to my senses. I am not so love struck that I have lost my sense of reality and self-worth.

I still have a little something of myself left.

(Thank you)

Learned a lot here. I wish I’ll be reminded of the events I’ve been through. Lessons are quite learned and remembered specially when your trip face flat on the floor. What matter is how you get up, straighten your clothes and brush the dirt off and move on. It hurts. I can’t deny that. But that feeling is so worth it. At lest it has some use. Charge it to experience, as they say. What didn’t kill you makes you stronger… TRUE enough.

I’ve changed a lot. Some doesn’t like it, because it didn’t favor them. Others said it was good. But for me, I feel better. I just feel sad and afraid that I may have lose someone. But it’s up to him. I’ve always made it a point that I’m always there for him but right now, I just have to leave some for myself. I have proven my loyalty but it doesn’t mean I have abandon him. I’ll always be here as a friend. He should have known that from the start.

No hard feelings.

 

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Sa Halagang One Hundred Pesos…

This might have been my daring entry ever about me… doing this in the event of helping myself to move on…

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Ngayong gabi na talaga (actually, umaga na) ang pinaka-sign sa mga signs na hinihingi ko. Sobrang denial na talaga ako at madami ng signs in different angles at excuses ang pinalipas ko. Hopeful kasi ako. Wala na kong lusot. Ngayong gabi (umaga na nga!) dapat tapusin ko nang kabaliwan, katangahan at kagagahan ko sa buhay….

Hindi lang batok o sampla ang inabot ko noon. Pero sige, bira pa rin ako. Umasa ang gaga. Nangudngod na ako. Sinubsob na nga yata ang mukha ko sa kahihiyan, deny pa rin ako. Masarap kasing kiligin at mangarap ng gising. ‘Yung napapangiti ka lang out of the blue kahit mukha kang tanga. Pero ngayong gabi (umaga na nga, kahit wala pang araw) may audience ang katangahan ko. Sobra-sobrang sign na talaga…

… na hindi n’ya ako gusto.
… na hindi ako ang ideal girl n’ya siguro.
… na hindi na dapat ibalik ‘yung aspiration ko sa kanya.
… na hindi ko makikita sa kanya ‘yung signs na hinahanap kong magiging indicator na may chance.

Sa halagang P100.00, natauhan ako. Sa simpleng pusta, eto ako ngayon nagsusulat at isisiwalat LAHAT ng tinago ko. Sa tawa at joke na akala ng lahat eh joke at ‘yun lang, may laman pala. Totoo na all jokes are half meant.

Binigay ko nga ng buo… walang binalik sa akin kahit konti… walang sukli, walang natira. Abunado pa ako!

Hindi ko naman binibilang noon. ‘Di pinapansin na halos wala na nga pala akong itira sa sarili ko. Sa bawat chance na nakikita ko s’ya wala akong masabi. Ako na kay daldal at ‘di nauubusan ng sasabihin at ikukwento. Tumitiklop ako sa kanya. Sa mga pagkakataong nakikita kong hirap s’ya o malaman ko lang na pinagkakaisa s’ya, wala akong magawa o maipayo man lang. Gusto ko lang s’yang yakapin in the hopes na matatangal kong lahat ng hirap at pagod n’ya. Pero hanggang doon lang ako. Sa isip ko lang ‘yun. Minsan dinadaan ko sa biruan between friends. Pero sa totoo, kung sa hug ko mawawala lahat ng hirap n’ya, gagawin ko talaga…

Ang baduy ‘noh o nakakatawa, pero seryoso…

(Thought balloon: ‘Lika rito… hug kita…)

Sobra ko siguro s’yang itinaas, tinigala at hinagaan. Sobra-sobra ko s’yang inalala na willing akong ibigay kahit hindi naman n’ya hinihingi. Sobra ko s’yang pinahalagahan. Affected ako palagi sa bawat nangyayari sa kanya kahit nasasaktan naman ako kapag ‘di siya sumasagot. Hindi ako pinapansin. Pakiramdam ko naiiwan ako sa ere.

Sobra nga. Sobra-sobra.

Hindi ko akalain P100.00 lang pala ang kaapat n’ya para matauhan ako.
Sa halagang ’yon mapapasimple ang guidelines ko ng mga lalaking ihahanap daw sa akin ng mga concern kong friends
… lahat ng kabaligtaran n’ya…
… lahat ng hindi s’ya (PERIOD)

Sasagutin ko na dito ang tanong na paulit-ulit lumalabas kapag binibiro nila s’ya sa akin… na kung mahal ko ba? Siguro nga… sobra-sobra pa yata na I let myself na magmukhang tanga. Tinuloy ko pa rin kahit alam kong masasaktan lang ako. Kaya hindi talaga tama.

Pwede nga pala ‘yun… na mamahalin mo pa rin kahit alam mong di naman n’ya ibabalik sa’yo.

Pero ngayong gabi, DAPAT matapos na…

Salamat kay dating presidente Manuel L. Roxas.

 
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Posted by on April 17, 2008 in Realizations, Tagalog Naman

 

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And He’s Back…

Yup.

My boss is back in the blogging world… more of his mind-boggling words and experiences soon…

But for now click here and check what his blog would be about 😉

Humanda na kayo… nyahahaha…

 
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Posted by on April 15, 2008 in Simplified

 

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“Can you please be quiet?”

I really wish I can yell at the “boys” beside and behind me right now…

I’m in a internet shop right now, in one of the biggest mall in my province. I won’t be mentioning which mall that is ’cause I don’t intend to advertise them. I know, I know this is a public place. But naman! have a little respect with the other people in the room!

Calling them all BOYS despite the fact that 2 of the 3 are really quite grown ups and I’m sure they have armpits hairs already because they are really, REALLY annoying. I came in way ahead of them in the intention of sending some files for my side projects and to just hangout and supposedly blog another topic. But then came in these 3 boys. Overhearing what they are to do here (yup, they are speaking really quite loud), they are to play some internet/online game: counterstrike or dota-something. Who cares? The kid (the youngest I mean) is quite… ARGH… is there a heavier word that “annoyance” itself?

The older boy beside me is cute pa naman ata (I think) but with what he is doing, he isn’t anymore! Do you have to announce every move and every reaction you will do in such games? I never got hooked up in such interactive games. Thank God I’m not a gamer, ’cause if I am, I’m sure I’ll be much annoyed with how they play! But as far as I know, these games are suppose to be strategical. Game of tactics. And having tactics means keeping it to oneself until you apply it.

GRRRRRR…

I have been know as being masungit. Even Jose crowned me as Miss Minchin, the strict and mean mistress of Princess Sarah. I am, I know… at a right place at a right time… well, most of the time. Perhaps now, it’s a right time to hold my temper. It is a public place. I am in a public place. Reminding myself over and over again. I had worst times…

To Emil, Omeng and Jelo… or whatever their names are… I pray that I won’t be encountering you again… EVER.

Sayang “kuya” Jelo, cute ka pa naman yata…

 
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Posted by on April 6, 2008 in Rants

 

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